I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
