i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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