White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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