How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
