Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
