i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How external is "for external use only"?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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