he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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