My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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