It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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