I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
