now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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