im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I've blown a few things in my day
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
