3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She's JV to your varsity
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
3 2 1 whiskey
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
