i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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