Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
