You're my little dorito
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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