Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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