it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
