they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
