Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
