You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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