So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
