And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
