So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
