Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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