jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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