I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
