when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My hand turned me down
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
is wine microwaveable?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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