I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
