My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
