Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
