I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
