apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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