I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
