drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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