the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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