I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
