sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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