I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
