I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
