I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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