haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
