Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
