its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
