A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
