another moral hangover. fuck.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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