C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
