At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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