Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
