you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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