i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize