I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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