Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
