have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
