Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
