Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
