So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
