Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
