On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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