they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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