I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
