Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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