She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
