Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
