thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
