dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am midnight drunk by noon
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
