Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
