And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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