Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
