Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
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