i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
