i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
