New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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