1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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