Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just pee around me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I forget how to act sober
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
