I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
