Small penises have feelings too.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We have so much sex to catch up on
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
