I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
