I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
