Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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