Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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