Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Randomize