Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
