You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
