i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
