I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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