Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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