I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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