he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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