I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
