He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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