I wanna bring you to show and tell
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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